Something to think about...

No matter how hard you try, no matter how many hours you spend pondering and planning, and regardless of how hard you try, you absolutely cannot please everyone. It is impossible. So do yourself a favor and stop now, before you drive yourself farther toward insanity. There are many drawbacks to being a people-pleaser. A big one is that you often put yourself in a position of subservience. Sometimes you even put yourself last, which helps no one. Remember that helping yourself and doing what you feel is important should be valued. Find worth in your own opinions and viewpoint, and don't let your desire to please others compel you to keep yourself in the background. Falling short of perfection only proves that you are a normal human being.

That was in an email I got today. Couldn't have been more true if i had written it myself. I have always been a people pleaser. I have always wanted everyone around me to be happy, even if it cost me my own happiness. A lot of times, it did. I've put myself last so many times, that it's something im used to. I wish i knew how to put myself first. I NEED to learn how to put myself first, even if it doesn't happen a lot. I want so much for people to like me, to be my friend that i sacrifice a part of myself in doing so. Why should i care if people like me? I think it's because i want more than 1 or 2 people to be there for me. Being an army wife and mom, it's not always easy. Being in a family community you would think it's easy to find, make, and keep friends but it's not for me. I've made friends pretty quickly, only to turn around and find out they weren't really my friend to begin with. I know it shouldnt matter how many friends you have, but to me it kinda does. Why does Sally have 6 people who would drop everything to help her out, when i have 1 or 2? Yeah, yeah it's the quality not the quantity that matters. I get that, but doesn't mean i wouldn't like to get lunch with, have coffee with, go shopping with etc more than 1 person. The 2 people that are truly my friend are great. If it wasn't for them, i would have noone outside my family.

I know i'm not always easy to be around. Im not always happy go lucky, smiley, positive or upbeat, but that's me. A true friend would understand and be ok with it. One day i will learn (i hope) not to put so much thought process into friendships.

Maybe if i quit worrying about what people think about me and work on me, i will learn to be happy with myself and wont care so much about how others see me.